DreamQuest Bloopers

Not everything went perfectly smoothly during the production of DreamQuest. Although everyone tried their best, it was a year-long epic with a cast of thousands. Here are a few of the more humorous scenes that had to be redone.

After dinner, they lay out in the clearing and watched the stars.  “I want to thank you for a wonderful night, Derlin.  I will truly remember this night for as long as I live.  Yet, I want to ask you something.  Why did you go to all this trouble just for me?  I have taught you much about my people, but I remain ignorant about your customs.  Do you often do this for your friends?”

Derlin waited a moment before replying, letting her words soak in so he could fully appreciate the beauty of her voice.  In that moment, crickets began to chirp musically, filling the air with their sweet harmony.  That hadn’t been part of the plan, but he had to admit it was a nice touch.  It appeared that the Big Guy Upstairs might even be helping him out.  “Valena,” he began.  “You must understand that you are a very special friend to me.  No, I would not do this for just anyone.”

“But why me,” she answered.  “It’s not as if I’m…”  Derlin put a finger to his lips and pointed skyward.  “Watch there,” he whispered.

The stars in the sky glittered in their places for a moment, and then began to change.  Some became brighter, some twinkled out of existence, and some began to move.  They swirled around and then began to form a shape.  It was pointy at the bottom, and soon Valena saw what it would become; Tarthur had made the stars into a heart.  Inscribed in the heart were the intertwined names Derlin and Valena.  Derlin turned his head towards her and softly but firmly said, “Because I love-.”

“PPBBBTTTTT!” Right at that moment, Valena let out a huge, unprincesslike fart. The crimson rushed to her cheeks, and immediately Derlin felt embarrassed for her . They sat facing each other in an awkward silence.

“I’m s.. sorry,” she stuttered. “It must have been th… the elderberry wine.”

“It’s okay!” he answered quickly, trying to cover the situation. There was no way he could just ignore it and continue. “It’s a… natural thing.”

“Oh,” she said, fanning the area with her hand. “It smells so bad! Let’s go over there.” She finished by pointing back towards the main clearing.

It took several minutes for the smell to finally dissipate. The heart in the stars had already faded.  “Now,” she continued, regaining her composure. “What was it you wanted to tell me?”

“Nevermind.”

CUT! 

The knights turned as one man.  As Sir Stephen looked into the rising sun, part of the sun was obscured by a black shadow.  The shadow walked deliberately, and steadily.  As he came closer, Sir Stephen saw the shadow turn gradually into a man.  As the man approached the king, Sir Stephen wanted to do something, but a restraining hand on his shoulder checked him.  It seemed this man was well known here.

The man walked to the king, steadily and purposefully. But when he was a few meters away, suddenly he tripped on a rock! He shuffled his feet together, trying vainly to stay upright. As a last resort, while falling, he tried to reach inside his tunic for something but it was tied inside and he had no chance. He hit the ground and the sound of shattering glass broke the early morning stillness.

He got to his feet and looked in horror at the vanishing contents of the vial of healing water. If the Creator had given him water, the least he could have done would be to put it in an unbreakable glass!

Trying to salvage the situation as if he meant to trip, Addyean solemnly got to his feet, turned on his heal, walked to his horse, and galloped away in the direction of Treshin. As he was leaving Sir Stephen could barely make out his cry. “That was just a practice. Now, let me go back and get the real healing water.”

The knights stood iron-faced for just a moment, pushing their lips together in an attempt to keep the laughter from bursting out of their throats. One started laughing, and then soon it was too much for all of them. The knights cracked up, and none laughed harder than Sir Undbar.

CUT! 

The defenders on the north side weren’t doing as well.  Although Yan’s force had the numerical advantage, some of Marhyn’s deadliest monsters had been placed there.  Cilio realized that if Marhyn were able to break through there, she would be able to surround the hill that had the bulk of Cilio’s force.  And if she could surround them in such a small area, she would be able to thicken her lines and give them little chance of breaking out.  Then she could deliver the killing stroke.  But it looked as if both of Cilio’s lines were holding, at least for the time being.

Right then Marhyn delivered her knockout punch.  On the north side of the line, her huge black dragon rose from the battlefield and got ready to attack Yan’s force.  Cilio knew if it was not stopped immediately his line would collapse.  So that had been her plan.  To put her men into battle in the South, but to concentrate her strength in the North and thus break through.  Now that he saw it too late, he had only one hope left.

Yan quickly dispatched a monster that he had been fighting with, turned into a liquid silver, and rose.  Their one hope flew up and faced the Dark Lady, who was perched high atop her dragon. Flying seemed a bit more difficult than usual.

Marhyn gave him a long, odd look. Her dragon eyed him hungrily, with not even the slightest hint of fear in his eyes. Something felt wrong.

Yan looked down to the field below. Lithar and Yonathan were locked in fierce combat, a circle around them watching the two fighters. General Cilio slapped his palm to his forehead and shook his head slowly. He muttered something, but Yan’s sharpened dragon hearing could not pick it out. The field itself looked so… tasty.

Marhyn’s dragon screamed its battle cry and lunged after him. Yan answered with a cry of his own. “MOOOOOOO!”

“Moo?” The cry caught in his throat and he barely dodged Marhyn’s attack. Yan turned and flew towards a small reflective pool on the field. Looking down, he was shocked.

Instead of becoming a dragon, he had mistransformed into a flying cow.

Transforming was not a trivial magic! He was never going to hear the end of this one from the Council of Gurus. Those guys never knew when to let a joke die. They were still going on about the time the great wizard Aramus had prepared a potent love potion to win the affections of the beautiful Princess Melanie. He hadn’t figured that her royal food taster would try the draught first. The taster, who naturally was significantly overweight and not the least bit attractive, chased Aramus far and wide across the Lands of Daranor.

Marhyn’s dragon swooped to attack again, and this time Yan transformed to a small bird, flew away, and retransformed into a dragon, correctly this time.

CUT! 

Darhyn sensed the trouble he was in and with a snap of his fingers monsters flooded into the room.  They headed straight for Thon.  The big man knew he was in trouble, so he hefted the Orb with all of his strength and threw it straight for Tarthur, who reached out his hands to grasp it…

A winged creature darted in front of Tarthur and grabbed the Orb before Tarthur had the chance.  The monster beat his wings once and screeched in a high-pitched whine.  He never finished it though.  Gyeun leaped up as high as he could and rammed his sword into the creature’s soft underbelly.  The monster toppled over and the Orb fell from his grasp.

Tarthur hurriedly spoke the words of the levitate spell, and sent his force out to grab the Orb.  It bounced once in the middle of the air as if it had fallen on a mattress, and then Tarthur reached out his spell and caressed the Orb.  Fluidly, he called out to it and brought it near to him.  Tarthur could feel himself succeeding.  He could feel all of his doubts, insecurities, and problems of the last year being washed away.  Tarthur felt the wild exhilaration surge through every part of his being, felt it fill him up and lift him off of the floor.

Tarthur saw Darhyn fold his hands together in his cloak and bring them out with a tongue of flame floating above his palms.  The Death Lord reached inside his cloak and brought out a yellowing scroll.  This fight was just beginning.  Darhyn read aloud the words, and then a blast of fire shot directly at Tarthur.  Tarthur rolled out of the way, and commanded the Water Orb to come to his aid.  He screamed at it for it to help him, to wash away Darhyn with its powerful floods.

Nothing happened.

Tarthur looked down at the scroll in shock. For the first time he could read it! It had words like, “1 pound of fresh papples,” “2 shirts for traveling” and “bootlaces.” The paper was also too new. There wasn’t even a faint hint of yellow to it. Wait a minute! This wasn’t the Water Orb Spell. It was his grocery list from Breshen! He must have grabbed the wrong scroll by mistake!

Tarthur felt trapped. He ran from the room, calling after the rest to follow him. There was no way “a bouquet of Elven flowers for Yvonne” was going to help them against the Death Lord Darhyn!